How to Heal After a Breakup: A Therapist’s Guide
- Jodi Kunz
- Mar 26
- 3 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
Breaking up can feel like an emotional earthquake, shaking the foundation of your world and leaving you wondering how to move forward. Whether it was a long-term relationship or a short-lived romance, the pain of separation is real, and healing takes time. As a therapist, I have seen many people navigate the journey of post-breakup recovery, and while every experience is unique, key steps can help you heal, rebuild, and emerge stronger.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
One of the biggest mistakes people make after a breakup is trying to rush the healing process. It’s natural to want to avoid pain, but suppressing emotions only prolongs the recovery. Give yourself permission to grieve. Cry if you need to, journal your thoughts, or talk to a trusted friend. The end of a relationship is a loss, and just like any loss, it requires time to process.
Understand That Healing Isn’t Linear
Some days, you may feel like you’re making progress, while others might bring unexpected waves of sadness. Healing isn’t a straight path, and setbacks are normal. If you find yourself reminiscing about the good times or feeling moments of regret, don’t be too hard on yourself. Acknowledge those feelings and remind yourself that moving on is a process, not a switch you can flip overnight.
Cut Off Unhealthy Contact
One of the most challenging but crucial steps in healing is creating distance. Staying in constant communication with your ex, following their social media updates, or reminiscing over old messages can keep you emotionally stuck. If possible, take a break from contact, allowing you to focus on yourself rather than dwelling on the past. If you must stay in touch for practical reasons, set clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.
Rediscover Yourself
After a breakup, it’s easy to feel lost, especially if your identity is deeply intertwined with the relationship. Now is the time to reconnect with yourself. What hobbies did you love before the relationship? What goals did you put on hold? Try new activities, travel solo, or invest in self-improvement. Rediscovering who you are outside of the relationship is a powerful step in reclaiming your happiness.
Practice Self-Compassion
Negative self-talk often follows a breakup—thoughts like “I wasn’t good enough” or “I’ll never find love again” can take over. Recognize these thoughts for what they are: emotional reactions, not reality. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend going through the same situation. Self-care, whether through meditation, exercise, or therapy, is an important part of the healing process.
Seek Support When Needed
While friends and family can offer comfort, professional guidance is sometimes needed to process the breakup and move forward healthily fully. Therapy can help you uncover deeper patterns, navigate unresolved emotions, and build resilience. Talking to a counselor can also provide you with tools to strengthen future relationships and develop emotional clarity.
Look Forward, Not Back
Healing after a breakup doesn’t mean forgetting the relationship; it means accepting that it was a chapter in your life, not the whole story. Every experience teaches us something; in time, you will gain perspective on what you truly need in a partner. As you move forward, focus on building a life that excites you. Love will find you again, but the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself.
Breakups are painful, but they also offer an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Give yourself the grace to heal, and remember that brighter days are ahead. If you’re struggling to move forward, don’t hesitate to seek professional support—asking for help is okay. Healing is possible, and you deserve happiness. If you want support as you work through a break-up, reach out to Jodi Kunz at sensuscounselling.ca
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