Self-sabotage often goes hand-in-hand with this pattern. Maybe you shrink yourself to make others comfortable, push away good opportunities because you don’t feel “ready,” or stay stuck in relationships that drain you because you’re afraid of being alone. These behaviours might feel like second nature, but they’re actually learned responses—coping mechanisms picked up over time, often rooted in people-pleasing, fear of conflict, or low self-worth. The good news? You don’t have to stay trapped in these patterns.
Breaking free starts with awareness. The next time you catch yourself brushing off your emotions or justifying something that hurt you, pause. Ask yourself: Would I say this to a friend? If the answer is no, why say it to yourself? Your feelings are valid, your boundaries matter, and you are not “too much” for wanting respect, clarity, or space.
Undoing self-gaslighting also means unlearning the habit of prioritizing everyone else’s needs over your own. People-pleasers often struggle with guilt when they put themselves first, but here’s the truth: You are not responsible for managing other people’s comfort at your own expense. Saying no doesn’t make you selfish. Setting boundaries doesn’t make you complex. Advocating for yourself doesn’t mean you’re asking for too much.
Therapy can be a powerful tool if you struggle to rewrite these patterns. It can help you recognize where these habits stem from, challenge negative self-talk, and build the confidence to trust your own voice again. You don’t have to keep gaslighting yourself into believing you deserve less than you do. Healing starts with owning your truth, standing firm in your worth, and refusing to shrink yourself for the comfort of others.
You are not being dramatic. You are not overreacting. You are not asking for too much. You are simply asking for what you deserve. And that is more than enough.
If you need support, reach out today to start your healing journey at jodi@sensuscounselling.ca
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